You are now in the NFF Archive. The archive contains contains information on film, TV and interactive productions that were screened at past festival editions. The NFF does not dispose of this material. For this, please contact the producer, distributor or broadcaster. Sometimes, older films can also be found at the Eye Film Museum or the Netherlands Institute for Sound and Vision.
Jaap Hoogstra, the actor who died in 1998 at the age of 83, muses on his life while cheerfully having a drink and smoking a big joint. The reflections on his childhood in Dordrecht are intimate and touching. He was born gay, he explains, and as a ten-year-old boy he was deflowered by an older boy. At the local swimming club that he liked to go to, all boys fucked each other, he claims. The interview that is shot from different angles is alternated with dramatised scenes in which Hoogstra plays the leading role. He acts in a cinematic adaptation of a monologue by Samuel Beckett, which is the source of the title of this documentary. Hoogstra speaks frankly about the recent demise of friends and colleagues. He is not afraid of dying, but he is of how he will die. While the image sometimes attains a fisheye perspective and Johnny Jordaan sings Mens durf te leven in the background, Hoogstra eventually stares wistfully ahead.